Can't help but not

['Travels' by me.]



It was the words of my aunt during one conversation that spoke to me.

I find myself floating through my morning, cello music singing by as I flit from thing to thing, sketching here, dreaming there, all the while holding a little one in my arms, playing tea party and cleaning up messes.

For though I am a mama, I am still a creative soul. Even though time is short, the inspiration still is there. Drifting through different mediums, almost overwhelmingly. I find it exhausting sometimes. Not all days are like this, but when they come, my heart feels full, almost spilling over, with creation and desire. It is my own undoing.

It was then that she said it, "You can't help but not." Yes. That was it. I can't help but create.

I had a band director that poo pooed a student for wanting to learn several instruments, because he would never master any of them. I feel that is true for myself. But I have come to terms with that, and that is okay for me. Because what is the point of creating if not for yourself? Surely not for others, for there is no true gratification in that. Wherein lies the satisfaction of creating... creating something that hasn't yet been. A melody, a lyric, a painting, a garment, a photo, a feeling, a moment. Where lies the appreciation for the fine things. They are first felt by the soul, then transformed into something tangible. Through the soul this transition occurs. Dig deep.

I won't go down my laundry list of creating, for I think that a creative person can do all creative things, maybe we are all creative and need to leave space for that creation?

I love beauty, I love expression, I love creation. Was this not the beginning of all things.... creation.


And so continues the quest for self-exploration. Welcome.








[self portrait, Nov. 2011]